…and dead headed a salvia in the garden, I was reminded of all those mornings working as a gardener for what seemed to be way too long. But it got me here…to this divine home…and that brings me to the idea of "limitlessness". All those funky jobs were a springboard and a testing ground for this full flung twisting and turning emotionally catapulted swan dive into" whatever you want to call it". I am learning that there are no limits…just pure expansive unbridled life that we are given to deal with…I guess its what we do with this gift that matters to me and here I go giving "it" limits in acknowledging it…just drink it in, dear Anado…allow the nurturing and gratitude to be by- products without fanfare..'cuz as you heard in India…on that marble floor in Poona: "it just is"…and this fitful shadowboxing with life is just an empty posture masking the fear of the Unknown…I mean to say…I can throw out all these words and fill volumes with my thoughts and none of it ultimately matters in the shadow of "what is"…dead heading salvias…filling up a gas tank…road trips…sex…love…relationship…all of it is: "just this…a thousand times this"…ain't no beginning…ain't no end…its just the way things are….
Archives for April 2010
…I arrived at the Big Muddy Ranch in Oregon the home of my teacher, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and his community. I honor this day for many reasons, most of all: Bhagwan. I really don't think that I would be alive today if I had not met this most benevolent rascal and his posse of Outsiders. We gave it a go for four years in that magical realm…A lot of good was manifested and a lot of bad lay waste also. I remember the atmosphere of Mystery and Esoterica that pervaded the Land. It was clothed in a Mysticism that was palpable and quite wondrous. My feeling is that this was it's Nature long before we arrived…to this day, I still wonder who was that man who touched my soul so deeply…I will probably never know and that is the gilded part of the Mystery: Not Knowing. I acknowledge him today. Because of my attraction to his teachings, I left the trenches in New York for better passages. I look back in wonder at that incredibly accidental movement on my part…Gracias por todo!
…I got up early this morning ready to get a lot of work done. After breakfast, I kept finding diversions to keep me away from the studio. I finally did finish one necklace…but there is this part of me that just wants to veg sometimes…I tried taking two naps… noodled on the computer (electro-pasta)…I walked through the garden…made my lunch…fed the cats more than once…took some photos. Now I am upstairs on this warm Spring afternoon knowing that I need to pull in the stops that are keeping me from my creative work, acknowledge that it is OK and just move on…Some days are just like this and my ideas have time to be realized…or I could say the Devil made me do it and blame someone else…No blame..just a warm Spring day….
…at 5:55 on Easter Sunday Morning under a cacophony blitzkrieg celebrating the resurrection of the fictitious lead character from the much read novel: The New Testament…some of you may have read this…in certain parts of the World they say it is a good read…I was never really drawn to this particular historical novel…I always felt like it was actually a collection of short stories that somehow lacked the depth of magical realism that Garcia Marquez was able to achieve…maybe it was because there were four authors. This ballyhooed Christian Myth just never grabbed Anado (Me)…He/I never found an authentic voice to behold and follow with loyalty and verve…it felt so political and judgmental and yes…over edited…So now at 6:06 am with firework explosions ablaze in the sky outdoors…with frightened dogs in my studio…I let go a branch of my own truth…let it float away into the bloggy sea of electronic information as Richard snores in harmonic splendor with the buzz of the electric fan….ah Morning!
…as life as we know it seems to saunter by…Spring has Sprung! Such a delightful sight. Such regeneration…all the good that comes with growth and rebirth. We are revitalized by Nature's endurance…all of this is Divine…even the stuff we cannot or choose not to accept. I am trying to awaken in this life and the letting go gives compost to my soul…The important thing for me to learn in this stellar practice of "letting go" is to find forgiveness and compassion amidst the Compost…I am reminded again and again of Rumi's remark: "Even though you have broken your vows a thousand times…come..yet come again"…It is a continual return and disappearance into the Source of What is….I am fortunate to have met a Sage along the way…and meanwhile amidst all the stuff of life, there is the present tense memory of that meeting with a most remarkable teacher…a man who opened the door to Spring and encouraged me to enter onto this Path…