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…isn't that what it is?  I told Bill today how hard it is for me sometimes to break through certain blocks that impede major work time in my studio.  Goddess love him!  He connected some dots that I was somehow not capable of seeing….and ain't dots my thing?  He affirmed that not everyone chooses work where you must remain creative for hours….days ..lifetimes…that is my lot in life…such joy…such terror….he said I never would have been able to fit into the straight go to work thing…and you know i gave it a try from time to time…but I am the one who chose this fire….this edge will always be my companion…it is not a fight…it is just a fact…there is no security…no guard rails…just the remembrance of "what is and what ain't"….do I hear harmonicas?

….and guess what?  It's another fiesta day in Mexico…fireworks…thumping basses…frightened dogs…perplexed gringos…people babbling on microphones…really bad brass bands…small grass fires ignited by the fireworks…liters of beer…trash…screams yelps….roosters crowing…we have lived here for almost ten years and I am still trying to convince Mexicans to try tranquility….Latin blood runs hot through indigenous veins…get over it Anado…This is Mexico!……and I love it!

…I am sometimes blown away where life has taken me.  This cinematic excursion from Birth to Death has so many plot twists and shape shifts.  I am including a link to a blog that was introduced to me recently…it is interesting to stand back and witness how others perceive you.  The human experience sometimes has lofty ideas about our ordinary existence…just read a New Yorker Magazine to see how those citizens of the Big Apple embrace their bourgeois-ness as if it were the Big Picture.  My lot in life is just to observe and eventually witness the ordinariness of the day to day…and hopefully not take myself and others TOO seriously…this is a beautiful and complex gift…this Life.  And above all…when the chips are down…chop the wood…carry the water…shoot the moon….and grab the Golden Ring…

http://www.akronartmuseum.org/blog/details.php?unid=1560

…and dead headed a salvia in the garden, I was reminded of all those mornings working as a gardener for what seemed to be way too long.  But it got me here…to this divine home…and that brings me to the idea of "limitlessness".  All those funky jobs were a springboard and a testing ground for this full flung twisting and turning emotionally catapulted swan dive into" whatever you want to call it".  I am learning that there are no limits…just pure expansive unbridled life that we are given to deal with…I guess its what we do with this gift that matters to me and here I go giving "it" limits in acknowledging it…just drink it in, dear Anado…allow the nurturing and gratitude to be by- products without fanfare..'cuz as you heard in India…on that marble floor in Poona:  "it just is"…and this fitful shadowboxing with life is just an empty posture masking the fear of the Unknown…I mean to say…I can throw out all these words and fill volumes with my thoughts and none of it ultimately matters in the shadow of "what is"…dead heading salvias…filling up a gas tank…road trips…sex…love…relationship…all of it is:  "just this…a thousand times this"…ain't no beginning…ain't no end…its just the way things are….

…I arrived at the Big Muddy Ranch in Oregon the home of my teacher, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and his community.  I honor this day for many reasons, most of all:  Bhagwan.  I really don't think that I would be alive today if I had not met this most benevolent rascal and his posse of Outsiders.  We gave it a go for four years in that magical realm…A lot of good was manifested and a lot of bad lay waste also.  I remember the atmosphere of Mystery and Esoterica that pervaded the Land.  It was clothed in a Mysticism that was palpable and quite wondrous.  My feeling is that this was it's Nature long before we arrived…to this day, I still wonder who was that man who touched my soul so deeply…I will probably never know and that is the gilded part of the Mystery:  Not Knowing.  I acknowledge him today.  Because of my attraction to his teachings, I left the trenches in New York for better passages.  I look back in wonder at that incredibly accidental movement on my part…Gracias por todo!

…I got up early this morning ready to get a lot of work done.  After breakfast, I kept finding diversions to keep me away from the studio.  I finally did finish one necklace…but there is this part of me that just wants to veg sometimes…I tried taking two naps… noodled on the computer (electro-pasta)…I walked through the garden…made my lunch…fed the cats more than once…took some photos.  Now I am upstairs on this warm Spring afternoon knowing that I need to pull in the stops that are keeping me from my creative work, acknowledge that it is OK and just move on…Some days are just like this and my ideas have time to be realized…or I could say the Devil made me do it and blame someone else…No blame..just a warm Spring day….