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…not quite…but I am travelling north to my origins in Oklahoma City in two weeks.  I have not been there in 11 years.  The last visit was an overnight stay at a Super 8 on the way from Nashville to Marin.  I only spoke with my sisters on the telephone that time.  My intention in this forthcoming adventure is to attempt to reach out to my sisters whom I have somewhat abandoned or rejected.  Yep…that's the truth.  Sure, I have my excuses for not wanting to be around them:  lifestyle, politics, fear, shame, sexuality…and uh…normalcy.  Cuz you see that what was mistaken for normalcy in my birth family was not a pretty picture…no photo ops…not if you are shooting with a Kodak Brownie.  I have been blaming Sarah and Joanie all these years because they are the remnants of a family I once had in Oklahoma.  I finally see my part in the dysfunctional debris left behind.  So my trip North will be an eye opener…leaving all expectations behind.  Normalcy is not my MO…never was…never will be.  But ordinariness? That I can relate to. I aspire to catch that golden ring and ride this bittersweet merry go round in abandoned thrill and gleeful wonder when I return to those ordinary hills where I was born…..

…I would not only step into the light…I would also remain there.  Bill Reiner asked me today what it means to be cool.  I told him it was like walking through life with a hard rain falling all around me, and allowing the water to wash off of me as if I were covered in duck feathers…or better yet:  radiant and relaxed like Guadalupe.  At age 62…I want to be cool…I want the rain to fall from my feathers and leave little pools of cool in my wake.  And I wish to be covered in meters of blissful blue velvet with stars radiating from my being through the draped cover…I know that I may be getting a bit transcendental here, but today I feel like I stepped through a new door and had a glimpse of what it means to be truly compassionate…I feel like relaxing into this cosa nueva and allowing myself to feel the radiant coolness of the stars….

Mexico City is my kind of town…I could never see all of it and it never fails to reveal.  Here is a photo of us taken by our dear friend Carol also known as Childstar on this blog.  The house that serves as the background for this photo is an abandoned albatross in Colonia Roma near our hotel…we pass by it all the time and the graffitti and posters are in constant flux…and this is Mexico City in a nutshell…an ancient conclave in constant flux…flux amidst ruin….Love amongst the ruins….reminds me of my time in New York in the 70's…so very long ago.

…in Mexico City.  We just returned from a party and beloved Anado has had maybe 5 or 6 glasses of Chilean Vino Tinto….time for bed, but I had to take advantage of the wireless and keep you up to date on our travels…I will check the spelling on this entry tomorrow….Life is good and we are enjoying our big city fix….Love

P.S. The next morning Carol and Richard and yours truly gathered in the lobby with the guys from the night shift for some pre-coffee calisthenics…the only thing missing was Lovee Groove our divine friend who opted to be in the States because she loves the aquatic parks there…she is our favorite enigma.

…..yesterday I just lost it.  I flew off the handle and got absolutely angry.  I am not going to tread into the details…it was an unfortunate situation and my therapist told me that it was an honest response…but it still felt shitty and fortunately I am moving on,  What I have to keep reminding myself is to bring it all back home….Remembering my true nature amidst all the emotional landscapes that present themselves…I just need to remember that there is an angry injured child inside of me that wants to act up and he does!  But that is not the "all" of me…just a portion…the Buddha Nature holds the whole enchilada…I might as well chow down because I did hear someone say back in the 70's, "You are what you eat"…So here I am…checking in…remembering the magic that has gotten me this far…..the image included in this posting reveals part of a large mosaic in our house…I named it: The Ascension….

…see how we run like defrocked nuns
…see how we fly…
we are groovin'…
Yellow Battered Hipsters
drippin' from the honeysuckle…
we're flyin'
I am the Groove Thing
We are the Groove Thing
We am the Groove Thing
kew kew ka-chew!!!!!!

We are going dancing tonight…how does my hair look……