I Took the Long Way Home……

….so to speak.  The other day I pulled some of the hard copies of the New York Times article about our house (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/23/garden/23mexico.html) to send to my two sisters.  By mistake, I pulled out three and wondered who to send the other one too.  My childhood friend Mike O'Neil's name came up.  I searched out his telephone number in Oklahoma City and called him.  We had not spoken for over 10 years.  The next day I mailed him one of the copies.  We have talked on the phone and emailed back and forth since…He did a mass mailing to my graduating class from High School and yesterday I heard from two old friends from that time in my life.  In responding to their emails I felt and expressed such bittersweet tears while typing.  All the reasons that I left Oklahoma came to fore….the shame around being different and gay as a boy was very strong and painful…my hippie years…driving a taxi in New York…my years in India and Oregon…on my knees in the gardens of the rich and famous…my whole life looking for refuge from the storm within…It was quite powerful and purifying all at once.  In the last few years I have begun to find that certain shelter..owning my difference…opening my heart…the joys and struggles of this life have molded me and yes…the Search goes on…I feel utter gratitude that I have stumbled on the right teachers and mentors in this life and it all leads back to this space within…acceptance of the mirror held before me.